I don't feel like I have too much to say at the moment, but I will end with this... Trust is just about the most valuable thing one can have in another person, and though we should tread lightly, trusting in another person's love, or friendship can prove more valuable than sanity itself.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
As the first few days of school went by I started to realize that I can do this, I can get straight A's if I put all my effort into it. However, I have this brain that seems to be constantly on, and incapable of thinking straight. I constantly am wishing that I could change, but maybe if I didn't just wish, and instead actively tried to control my emotions, things would work out better for me.
Friday, September 18, 2009
There have certainly been times when I have doubted whether I could survive the year and a half curse that seemed to be going around with my friends.
But this is just a little note to say that of all of my high school friends who had relationships that I will be the first to admit seemed like they would last forever, mine is the only one that has made it this far.
Mostly, I wish my friends could have stuck it out, but deuchey boyfriends will be... deuchey, and break your heart when you least expect it. I would like to hope that both of my year and a halfer friends are better off without their previous significany others, but considering that for me, when I think about the prospect of being with anyone else my skin crawls, it doesn't seem like the easiest thing to accept.
I feel lucky to have been with one person for so long, I am thankful because I am happy.
& for my friends that have deuchey ex-boyfriends, there will be another that will come along, get to know you better than the first, and lover you more than the last. I hope that if my boyfriend turns deuchey on my that my friends will have the heart to remind me of such things.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Well, it seems as though I have neglected to keep up with my blogging obligations, likely because I have either been busy or frustrated.... Then we picked up the remaining members of our party and the lake trip got exceedingly more entertaining. With my crazy cousins around, nothing is ever dull, so I learned to wakeboard, skurf (a.k.a. surfing behind a watercraft) and genuinely had a great time.
Lets see, so as an update to what has happened in the last two weeks of my life, I had a girlish freak out week once again. Which, frankly, I would rather ignore because it had me in this weird mood I don't really care to revisit. The perks of having an unavailable boyfriend I suppose.
Anyhow, so much in "Kaitlyn" fashion, I went to the lake and learned to put my issues aside and simply have the time of my life. Firstly, before I would even embark on the journey there I had to meander over to Riverside to view my new apartment, that after this Sunday will be completely home-y and ready to live in. That little set back made me drive as fast as I could when I thought no one was looking so that I could get on my stinking vacation as soon as possible. The trip seemed to start slightly on the poor side considering I left an hour later than I had planned, I saw one of the worst car accidents ever, my book on tape wouldn't eject after only the first cd (so much for mindless entertainment), and I got stuck behind slow people that seemed to be angry at me for passing the janky car slowing us all down. --They thanked me later.
Once I arrived, about 45 minutes later than I had told my dad I would arrive (which was good considering I got stuck sitting b/c of road work for at least 15 minutes), I was on vacation. In truth, the drive didn't really cause me any mental anxiety because i wasn't really worried about my boyfriend situation, I left that behind when I closed the door to my car. I'm sure it helped that he was texting me about my apartment just as the drive started, but that is besides the point. Friday was just an easy day of relaxing at the lake. It was one of the first times I hadn't really brought a friend along so I got to focus on myself and not someone else. The next morning I had one of the greatest skis of my life, thanks to the only day of flat water, and I got some great and I mean great pictures of it finally, thanks to someone with a camera ready.
Once I was done skiing, we ran across a boat that had sunk, but not completely--first we'd ever seen anything like that happen...
In the morning that I had yet another great ski, I decided to take my cell phone with me to see if I had any text messages and in the time I was gone I had three text messages from my love wondering what was up, where I was, etc because though i alerted him several times I am going to the river this weekend, apparently he didn't get the memo and wanted to see me. Thankfully I had my wits about me and didn't feel sad that I wasn't home to see him because HELLO I was at the lake having the time of my life--the only thing that would ever make it better would be his presence to accompany me. It did, however, make me feel good that when I am not around to text him, he texts and worries about me. Who knew?
So the other major accomplishment of this past weekend was... finishing
Which my dad has been trying to get me to read for years. It was great, I highly recommend it for people that enjoy some thinking along with their reading.
Anyhow, more updates on the apartment, mi amor and I will be moving in Sunday and I can finally say I am ready to move, and ready to begin school closer to home.
Peace Out. Surfs Up. K
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Well, now that my computer officially has a 500 g hard drive, i can use it again and write blogs.
I spent this last weekend in tahoe, bonding with a cat named Symphony who reminded me of my boyfriend's cats in so many ways. I wanted to take her home with me, but that would have meant stealing her from out friend and taking her on a plane ride home. I realize now that i am much more of a cat person than I ever was in the past because of my relationship with people that hav cats that are actually NICE.
Anyhow, enough about cats. Of late, I realized that life has been so much better. i found myself driving to my boyfriend's house last night thinking to myself that the whole summer could have been just like it is now, yet i wasted time being needy. I guess it took a while for me to learn. The thing is, as one thing in my life gets better, it seems like another may get worse. I.E. my health. I won't go into the details, but I'm actually worried for the first time that something truly horrible could be going on with my health that has yet to be discovered... I visit the Doc tomorrow, AGAIN, and find out if there is anything she needs to biopsy. Last time I checked people biopsy for CANCER. at 19, having cancer seems like a bit of a stretch, but ya never know. F my life.
My most amazing friend helped contribute to my final step out of my childhood by painting my room a brand new color. The new room is light blue on three walls, dark on one with no more princess canopy to shield me from growing into a woman. My loving boyfriend even said last night "so you got rid of the ugly color and the girly flair, maybe I'll come over more now"... Well, he didn't exactly say that last part, but it was implied.
I don't have a whole lot more to say today, but life seems to be good, last night was fun and the number of spontaneous "i love yous" that were whispered my way seem to help put me in a better mood. I was thinking about those unmentional yearly doctor visits and for the last two (ONLY two) I've been with him, and looking a year into the future, I can ask, will that still be the case? Will my number of sexual partners still be the same? I honestly think the answer will be yes, and I say so NOT naiively, but cautiously because i can't look into a crystal ball that reveals my future, but i can guess that after a year of chaos and triumph, another year of less chaos will still lead to triumph.
On one final note, my stupid doctor (love her, but my mom loves her more) had the nerve to tell me that my boyfriend isn't good enough for me because he's not in college. RAIN CHECK, he's not in college because of external circumstances. He may not be my educational equal, but who cares? And who is she to say such things to me, has she been talking to my mother, perhaps?