I spent this last weekend in tahoe, bonding with a cat named Symphony who reminded me of my boyfriend's cats in so many ways. I wanted to take her home with me, but that would have meant stealing her from out friend and taking her on a plane ride home. I realize now that i am much more of a cat person than I ever was in the past because of my relationship with people that hav cats that are actually NICE.
Anyhow, enough about cats. Of late, I realized that life has been so much better. i found myself driving to my boyfriend's house last night thinking to myself that the whole summer could have been just like it is now, yet i wasted time being needy. I guess it took a while for me to learn. The thing is, as one thing in my life gets better, it seems like another may get worse. I.E. my health. I won't go into the details, but I'm actually worried for the first time that something truly horrible could be going on with my health that has yet to be discovered... I visit the Doc tomorrow, AGAIN, and find out if there is anything she needs to biopsy. Last time I checked people biopsy for CANCER. at 19, having cancer seems like a bit of a stretch, but ya never know. F my life.
My most amazing friend helped contribute to my final step out of my childhood by painting my room a brand new color. The new room is light blue on three walls, dark on one with no more princess canopy to shield me from growing into a woman. My loving boyfriend even said last night "so you got rid of the ugly color and the girly flair, maybe I'll come over more now"... Well, he didn't exactly say that last part, but it was implied.
I don't have a whole lot more to say today, but life seems to be good, last night was fun and the number of spontaneous "i love yous" that were whispered my way seem to help put me in a better mood. I was thinking about those unmentional yearly doctor visits and for the last two (ONLY two) I've been with him, and looking a year into the future, I can ask, will that still be the case? Will my number of sexual partners still be the same? I honestly think the answer will be yes, and I say so NOT naiively, but cautiously because i can't look into a crystal ball that reveals my future, but i can guess that after a year of chaos and triumph, another year of less chaos will still lead to triumph.
On one final note, my stupid doctor (love her, but my mom loves her more) had the nerve to tell me that my boyfriend isn't good enough for me because he's not in college. RAIN CHECK, he's not in college because of external circumstances. He may not be my educational equal, but who cares? And who is she to say such things to me, has she been talking to my mother, perhaps?
TBC, K
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