Thursday, October 15, 2009

Mistakes and Prophecies

Yesterday/Early this morning I spent my time with my beloved. In many ways it was perfect, but in many ways I had to go and ruin it with my negativity.
I acted angry that I got dragged to a place I despise, when I shouold have been happy that he chose to invite me along. I was the only girl there, we were the only couple, and his friends seemed to pick up on how much we love each other, and liked me. Always a plus. Not only that, but the sheer fact that he was being cute with me while I watched him take seconds off his life smoking hooka please me beyond all reason.
We drove home together and talked about mammoth, and my birthday. I asked hi if he might be able to come and he said maybe, and gae a few reasons why it might not be able to happen, but we were talking about february. i.e. the future. I want to be with him, my love, the one person in this world I feel connected to in a way that I never expected to happen so early in life, and talking about the future with him brings me to the realization that, he will, indeed be with me for as long as we love each other.
It has been a long time since we have walked and held hands, and when we got out of the car he decided to hold my hand; it was just about the most serene moment of my day. We walked to his house and I took a mini nap waiting for him to take a shower and brush his teeth and the night got even better from there.
Later I had to talk him to pick up his truck at his friend's house and here is where I make the mistake... however, before I explain that, first let me say that in walking back to my car (holding hands again of course, using him as balance pole because my legs were all wiggly for whatever reason) he mentioned the rain, and said "nothing like a durango and (a something, snow chains, snow storm, rope... not really sure I remember)" which was again alluding to this winter, and our future this winter. I can't wait, winter is my favorite season ever, and it is quickly approaching. Much like Lorelei Gilmore, snow is magical, and thus far it has brought me more happiness than anyone can imagine. I've had more magical moments during winter than any other time in my life, and spending my (_nd/rd) winter with my boyfriend means more magic, more love, more happiness. Clearly I could go on for days about this, but the biggest thing I get out of all this future talk is that he + me are going to be together for a long time. I never thought that by this age I would already have experienced the type of love that I you have to experience in order to completely understand, but I have, and I can only hope it lasts forever.
Now for my mistakes of the evening. He sat in the car and told me that he doesn't know when his situation is going to end... Okay, been there heard that--so I kinda snapped, I just want to see a change and it gets to me every so often, fair enough, I think it's okay for me to bring that up, however, then he said "It was really great spending time with you tonight, I missed you" and what did I do.... I just sat there and said nothing, then he said "did you hear me?" I said yes, then said I was upset and just want things to get easier for us blah blah blah. I acted like an IDIOT and now I am all upset and bothered about my behavior. Not only that but he was being GREAT to me the whole night, and I had to be miss negativity.

Oh well, better luck next time, K.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

what lies in front of me

In the last week I have been as happy as anyone can be.
I made a fool of myself walking down my boyfriend's street with a jig in my step and my bra in my hands, all the while creepy lady was watching me, judging me--but did I care... No.
I had to run to the grocery store for my dad and realized that I am that crazy girl that talks to herself as she is running through the store. I find that talking to the products leads me in the right direction.

Then, I went to the lake and had what I would consider to be an amazing time, though I took the backseat to actually "doing anything" (so much for my exercise) because in the first round of skiing the boat ripped the rope out of my hand, low and behold my arms are still killing me. Good thing it was the end of the season. I took this picture at the lake and it reminded me of how incredibly fast my life is going. It is just a blur, as miraculous and instantaneous as a shooting star. It makes me realize that I need to live in the moment as opposed to living for what could be. I need to be content with the fact that the future is in a twilight zone of confusion and I have it pretty good even if I can be a little cranky at the wrong moments, my friends will always be there for me, my boyfriend is... so inexplicably amazing, and a family that I'm pretty sure people would pay to mimic.

Thankfully all is well in boyfriend-dome, but making friends has been a real challenge.
I watch my lovely room mate come home from her frat meetings and it makes me sad that I have no clubs or anything I can join because either nothing interests me, or the things that do conflict with other things I have to do. Plus I have church things once a during the actual week (twice here shortly) and I just don't want to be missing out on the college experience when I am finally happy with where I am at. Though I have friends in my major now, so maybe those lovely people will end up being life long friends considering I am sure we'll end up in classes together between now and graduation.

Anyhow, my idiosyncrasies make my life interesting, especially on days when you learn to fix the brakes on your own bike, and act as your own handy-woman

Ta-Ta for now, K