Saturday, August 22, 2009

Scattered Thoughts

I've been watching gilmore girls all day (with the exception of five episodes of sex and the city) and I just realized where my mom got the idea of a curfew when I was in high school. I'm sure it was completely subconscious, but Luke gives Jess a lecture when he first starts dating Rory and says that he must have her home by 9 on school nights and 11 on weekends. & I wondered where she got it from, stupid Luke, had to ruin my sex life.
This week has been an interesting one, not sure there is a need to hash out the details, but the bottom line is that it didn't involve talking to boyfriend at all. Pretty much it was a complete let down and I did my best to complete the "i'm not insane--no really" persona, but it was hard to shake the fact that he hadn't called me in five days. We finally talked, and saw one another last night and I came to the realization that the next few months aren't exactly going to be easy, but they are going to be a learning experience. I discovered that the sooner I accept that it isn't going to be anything like a normal relationship, there won't be daily "I love you's" which is fine, I am taking the opprotunity to learn more about myself. I haven't been single for more than two months in the last year and a half, and if you count the fact that I was in love with a person who I was with in every sense but the relationship sense for three quarters of a year. I will go through every day loving my boyfriend more than I can seem to fathom, and because of that I will endure (one of my favorite words) for as long as it takes so long as he loves me too.

On a different note, at the moment my dog is sitting here keeping me company while I watch the GG's and surf the net. I sit here thinking about the amazing friendships I have in my life. I think about my future room mate and how amazing it is going to be to have someone that I consider to be a best friend living with me and sharing new experiences with me, just the two of us. & M, who is great enough to worry and text me any time that my facebook status relates to me being down. I'm so blessed to have a huge group of people that genuinely care about my well-being. When I was up north, my mom would send me e-mails listing all of the people that are on my team. People from church who always worry when I come to church and cry during nearly every song on a Sunday after a bad week, or family members who insist on knowing my business because they can't stand to see me get hurt. How many people can say that one of their closest adult friends is a teacher from high school? or a co-worker of their dad's? It all boils to a big fat "thanks" that I don't often get to express.
This week may have been difficult, but the one highlight was my friend Jordan that is the closest thing to a brother I have went horse back riding with me. It was a nice break that made me realize how much I love my horse and am lucky to have him so that I can bond with my friends riding horses. Good times, good times.

More (less scattered) thoughts to come soon, InnJune

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